woah!

the sun keeps shining but i fell like the world has ended. the guy i like...likes my best friend. im not sure what good thing can come out of that? but hey who cares? um o ya i do. i mean where are you know i cant see the light. justin bieber makes everything better!(: im like not even joking his music just speaks to you sometimes major props to him(:

new song I NEED YOU

first song i have ever written on the guitar!!! its called
I Need You
V1: on my way back home i thought i lost everything i had between us all summer long. i got you outta my mind and i was sure i would never need you again but i was wrong
CHORUS: i need you more than earth needs rain, more than a popstar needs her fame. it feels so wrong when your not around like a circus without a clown. i need you more than anything, believe me i mean wat i say, i need you.
V2: i packed my bags and i was gone, back to be alone i couldnt bear to see you again. your face kept comin into my mind, your voice was in my head then i knew i had to admit
CHORUS: i need you more than earth needs rain, more than a popstar needs her fame. it feels so wrong when your not around like a circus without a clown. i need you more than anything, believe me i mean wat i say, i need you X3
RIFT: then i went back to your house and told you what you needed to hear and what i needed to say. then i looked into your eyes and said
CHORUS: i need you more than earth needs rain, more than a popstar needs her fame. it feels so wrong when your not around like a circus without a clown. i need you more than anything, believe me i mean wat i say, i need you.

i have had my eye on this guy pratically since school started. i dont know what it was but he was always right there. i thought i would never find anyone as great. at the time i was shy, i just started a new school and didnt have any friends at all. so getting him to notice me was a hard thing to do because i had to stand out. honestly ive never been the girl to chase after a guy, i just didnt see it being worth anything. because if he broke my heart then i would probably cry alot, which would be very stupid. "everytime you give away one I LOVE YOU from your heart bank, you loose a small piece of your heart, so you can never fully give your heart away to the man who seems to be your night in shining armor"---ashley bollinger. this quote really speaks to me. i never want to give my heart away to a guy who doesnt deserve it. i see most of my friends falling for guys who arent good for them, but they fall any way because they dont give a care. two of my friends that i sit with at lunch tell me about what they do with thier boyfriends and it litterally makes me want to puke. this guy standing right there could be one of those guys that would want to do something over the top of what i wanted so it was scary. i mean i eventually told him about these feelings just last week, and it was a disaster. i had the guts to write him a REALLY LONG MEANINGFUL letter and all he did was read it, crumble it, and throw it away. then he looks at me and says SORRY. how are you going to do that and then say sorry it just doesnt make ANY sense at all. he completely broke my heart. i never gave an i love you away but it kinda felt like he took a piece of my heart anyway. i never felt that way before. i was so sad that i wrote him a song called "i wish i never knew you" (which i will post shortly) and its basically self explanatory. but he made me feel so bad and mad and sad and alll kinds of emotion that was completely pointless. i understand that he never cared even though he says we are BEST FRIENDS? its a total lie. our whole friendship has been a lie. and im absolutely tired of it. BEYOND tired of it. i just dont understand how that benifits him. he is a complete JERK. and i say i never want to talk to him again. and i want to believe it. but i just cant. i think i do honestly love him, which is not fair to me or any boy in my future. he took away a perfectly goood I LOVE YOU, and threw it away.....

okay so my obsession for justin bieber isnt going down lol...i bought his new cd MY WORLD 2.0 the day it came out and ive memorized every single song he has sang. its pathetic i know. and my room is FILLED with posters....ya i LOVE him and i so wish i could met him :)

my music carrear!

FINALLY..my music is gonna take off :). i have an account on itunes that i can get on and put music on itunes! i cant wait :). so just keep reading for future results :)

I LOVE ANN WELLING

miss ann welling makes me feel so good about myself! she is the best ever. she is so freaking adorable lol. she is an AMAZING person. she would NEVER hurt anyone on purpose and she hates talking about people. ann welling if your readin this i love you :) and your amazing DONT EVER CHANGE!!!! and we so gonna make a video for your sister! i cant wait for her album

i might never really understand....

when i was 5 years old my dad left me, it was unexpected, scary, and made me feel like i was worth nothing in the world anymore. i never stopped thinking about why he left. ive never even found that answer. it has been 10 whole years that ive been searching for this answer. i just havent found it, i might never find it. recently he tried contacting me by getting my cell phone number and texting everymorning and night. sometimes i cry and ask myself why i never reply, asking why he left? maybe if i did he would tell me the answer. i guess im just to afraid of the real answer. i finally understand why i treat my step-dad with disrespect. he always says "you dont respect me kayla, im your parent" and most of the time i want to say no, you arent my dad left me a long time ago. but instead i stay quiet listening to him yell at me. i just dont understand how this is ever going to go away. my anger towards my real dad, has made a huge impact on the person i am. most people see me as a fun and upbeat person, but really, im a wreck. i feel like i have no real friends but maybe 2, randi paige stiner and ann elizabeth welling. honestly i know i could go to them with anything and they would give me an answer to my problem. When i thought my grandpa died Ann was there for me, she ditched almost her ENTIRE lunch period just to sit in the bathroom and comfort me. and paige knows everything about me, we are practically sisters. they are the only ones i feel i can trust completely. but i have no idea why. i really dont understand anything in my life. sometimes i just want to run away. but if i do...where will i go? i honestly dont know what will come to me in the future, but i know i have amazing friends and GOD helping me. and with that i can do anything.

maybe this could be a cute little song lol :)

im always hearing its not you its me
but i guess theres always more fish in the sea
im not gonna say i dont care
telling you is just too much to bare
so im just going to let you say goodbye
and walk away with a huge sigh

cause its alright it okay
i will find someone for me someday
who will treat me the way i deserve
it might take some time
but i know that he will forever be mine.

IM DONE..... original song :)

my heart is crying out, im so tired of all this doubt

theres got to be a way, to save me from this pain

ive made so many mistakes, my life is filled with fakes

and im done, o im done.

CHORUS:

Im done with being who i was, who could understand me, noone does

theres got to be a light at the end of my tunnel.

cant take it anymore, im about to walk right out this door

cause im done, o im done

im gonna start all over, my lifes been bulldozered

im just so frusterated, ive been so loved and hated

my life is crumbling down, i see you in this town.

i have to say goodbye, cause it hurts so much inside.

im done o im done.

CHORUS:

BRIDGE: im done with all of this. im done o im done. cant take it anymore. im done o im done

CHORUS:

IM DONE......... :)

very begginging :)

okay so hey guys who are reading this :)...my name is kayla and this is my personal blog for my venting or words to my song and maybe my devotions to God... whatever i feel like writing. i have no secrets to hide?: so i thought why not express myself in a blog just like my bestie ann :)...i love her lol she is so sweet :). so i will post whenever i feel nesaccary, wheather it be about school or some problems im having or just stupid drama lol :). so if you want to get updated on my life just keep reading my blog :) :) :) with love forever, kayla renee carter <3