i have had my eye on this guy pratically since school started. i dont know what it was but he was always right there. i thought i would never find anyone as great. at the time i was shy, i just started a new school and didnt have any friends at all. so getting him to notice me was a hard thing to do because i had to stand out. honestly ive never been the girl to chase after a guy, i just didnt see it being worth anything. because if he broke my heart then i would probably cry alot, which would be very stupid. "everytime you give away one I LOVE YOU from your heart bank, you loose a small piece of your heart, so you can never fully give your heart away to the man who seems to be your night in shining armor"---ashley bollinger. this quote really speaks to me. i never want to give my heart away to a guy who doesnt deserve it. i see most of my friends falling for guys who arent good for them, but they fall any way because they dont give a care. two of my friends that i sit with at lunch tell me about what they do with thier boyfriends and it litterally makes me want to puke. this guy standing right there could be one of those guys that would want to do something over the top of what i wanted so it was scary. i mean i eventually told him about these feelings just last week, and it was a disaster. i had the guts to write him a REALLY LONG MEANINGFUL letter and all he did was read it, crumble it, and throw it away. then he looks at me and says SORRY. how are you going to do that and then say sorry it just doesnt make ANY sense at all. he completely broke my heart. i never gave an i love you away but it kinda felt like he took a piece of my heart anyway. i never felt that way before. i was so sad that i wrote him a song called "i wish i never knew you" (which i will post shortly) and its basically self explanatory. but he made me feel so bad and mad and sad and alll kinds of emotion that was completely pointless. i understand that he never cared even though he says we are BEST FRIENDS? its a total lie. our whole friendship has been a lie. and im absolutely tired of it. BEYOND tired of it. i just dont understand how that benifits him. he is a complete JERK. and i say i never want to talk to him again. and i want to believe it. but i just cant. i think i do honestly love him, which is not fair to me or any boy in my future. he took away a perfectly goood I LOVE YOU, and threw it away.....