i might never really understand....

when i was 5 years old my dad left me, it was unexpected, scary, and made me feel like i was worth nothing in the world anymore. i never stopped thinking about why he left. ive never even found that answer. it has been 10 whole years that ive been searching for this answer. i just havent found it, i might never find it. recently he tried contacting me by getting my cell phone number and texting everymorning and night. sometimes i cry and ask myself why i never reply, asking why he left? maybe if i did he would tell me the answer. i guess im just to afraid of the real answer. i finally understand why i treat my step-dad with disrespect. he always says "you dont respect me kayla, im your parent" and most of the time i want to say no, you arent my dad left me a long time ago. but instead i stay quiet listening to him yell at me. i just dont understand how this is ever going to go away. my anger towards my real dad, has made a huge impact on the person i am. most people see me as a fun and upbeat person, but really, im a wreck. i feel like i have no real friends but maybe 2, randi paige stiner and ann elizabeth welling. honestly i know i could go to them with anything and they would give me an answer to my problem. When i thought my grandpa died Ann was there for me, she ditched almost her ENTIRE lunch period just to sit in the bathroom and comfort me. and paige knows everything about me, we are practically sisters. they are the only ones i feel i can trust completely. but i have no idea why. i really dont understand anything in my life. sometimes i just want to run away. but if i do...where will i go? i honestly dont know what will come to me in the future, but i know i have amazing friends and GOD helping me. and with that i can do anything.